Dealing With Mean Girls

Q:

Hi Bridget, I just wondered wether I could have some advice on how to deal with bitchy clicky girls in school? Love Love your posts and you are such an inspiration to me! Xxx

A:

Hi! Thanks for your message 😀

I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. High school can be so fraught with emotional warfare, and it is all so unnecessary. When you are in amongst it, it can be very hard to see objectively. Everything you do is based on someone else’s opinion – and it can seem like the rest of your life hangs in the balance. But please let me assure you, it does not. High school is a very short part of your life, and it is not the be all and end all. Your life moving on from there is going to take you through so many new experiences, filled with people who don’t care what you are wearing. They are much more interested in what you stand for, and what you bring to the table in the relationship.

In high school I was not at all confident. I found it very hard to string together a sentence, and felt like everyone had a guidebook on how to be a human that I had missed out on. For days I would go without speaking. Yet, my group of friends never once gave me a hard time about it. I went to an all girls’ school. I do understand the bitchiness that high school can entail, and the desire to be “cool”. But what is much more important is finding that group of girls who take you exactly as you are. Who do not give you a hard time for being quiet and awkward, but who are just there. I am still close with all the girls from my high school group of friends – whenever I come home, I just fit back in with them. It’s like no time has passed and I love their them all dearly.

I just had my high school ten-year reunion. In ten years, everyone is equalized. There are no cool girls, or dorks. Everyone talks to each other and is interested in you. And the girls who were focused on studying hard in school are typically well set up ten years on. Based on the skills they learned in high school, they are happy and well adjusted. They may not have been a part of the “cool group” but that did not affect them beyond high school. My point here is that once you graduate, none of the hierarchy that was hard earned in school remains. Everyone becomes their own person. Better to be a person who was kind to others, not a follower, and worked hard to create their place in the world. Be the person that everyone remembers with happiness, not with frustration and fear.

My advice to you would be to give those bitchy girls their space. They are acting out of insecurity and fear. Why else would they require the submission and attention of other girls their age? They are not secure and happy in whom they are, and they use other girls to disguise this. This is a person that you avoid like the plague as an adult. Maybe it is good to start learning this skill now. If they are in your friendship group, get new friends. These girls are just using you to make themselves feel validated, and it is toxic for you. Find yourself a group of friends who treat you well. Who meet you where you are at, and could not care about your social standing. If you aren’t sure where to start, join a sports team. Try a new skill set through a club – no better time to learn something new than in high school. Whatever you do, surround yourself with people who are not a part of the clique. Take part in skill sets that are focused on building self-confidence and happiness.

I would advise you first and foremost to avoid the mean girls as much as possible. They thrive on attention and drama (because they are so insecure and empty) so deprive them of this joy. First try would be to ignore them. Way easier said than done to be honest. But if they can be avoided, do it. Hopefully you will have found a group of girls who are not bitchy that you can be around. There is safety in numbers. If they do not let up, then I would advise you to talk to an adult. Tell someone whom you trust, and let them handle it appropriately. Find other girls who may be victimized by these girls, and see how they are feeling about it. Never, ever become physically confrontational. But do not avoid eye contact and try your best not to show fear. When they realize you are not about to be pushed over, they will back off. They don’t want an equal fight. They are cowards.

This is about all the advice I can give you. When I was going through my worst confidence stage, I was not being bullied. My struggles came from within. But I found solace through classical music. I began playing the oboe around the time my confidence left the building, and I poured all my energy into that. It introduced me to a world that I belonged in, and had value in. And that began to build me up again. 

I hope this helps 😀 Stay in touch!!

 

Much love

Bridget

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Photograph | Simon Upton